I’ve cracked my head against the glass ceiling, having risen to the level of my incompetence in attempting to write A Lamentation of Swans. It is as important to know when to let go and let be as it is to know when to keep on keeping on. Today I packed every piece of paper about Swans into a box, every piece of paper dating from 1992 to now, and placed that box in the closet, where it will sit until I feel like I can write the book–whenever, and if ever, that time comes. I’m not giving up entirely, but I think the book is bigger than my ability to write it at this point in my creative ambitions.
Adrian put it succintly and perceptively in his comment, “Perhaps this is just a larger work that you will get back to. Working on other things could help you develop whatever skills, insights, etc., that you’ll need when you come back to Swans.” Yep. Think so.
I’ve labored on this novel since 1992, and it has become an albatross, bowing my shoulders. I want it out of my way. In his comment, Adrian also said, “Best to capitalize on strengths and work on what works, in my view.” With Swans, I was no longer capitalizing on my strengths, but merely lugging from year to year a sack of weaknesses. I’m going to move on, and when I gain more insight into that book somewhere down the road, I’ll pick it up again.
But I kept out the Swanology binder. I’m sure things will occur to me. So I’ll keep a playful connection with the novel. I really enjoy working on Swanology, and it’s grown some. I’ll post a photo of the cover and some of the pages as soon as I stop feeling lazy, take the pictures, and load them.
I certainly appreciate all the encouragement I’ve received from you all who read these scribblings, and it does make me a little sad to set it down. But there’s other books for me to write, and time enough.